Skip navigation.

Directory of Lost Causes

Posts tagged with "irony"

James Parker, Private Homosexual

, ,

Regular readers will be aware that the sense of irony on this blog has been increasing at alarming rates recently. Or perhaps it's been decreasing. Whichever it's been doing, it's been doing it at an alarming rate. By which I mean, irony has been making its presence felt in the form of ruminations on irony and the rapid discovery of what can only be described as 'AN IRONIC CONSPIRACY'. The question is, does the discovery of such a conspiracy reduce or augment levels of irony on this blog and in the world?



The discovery of this conspiracy began with certain clues uncovered amongst Youtube comments, as dealt with in this blog post. Although, the truth is, I first spotted such clues at least as far back as this post, about Magibon, in which I listed a number of the rabid anti-Magibon comments, and commented on each in turn, explaining incisively why they were silly. There was one among them, however, that struck a strange chord with me. The comment was as follows:

I dont understand..

I dont like any of her vids.. there pointless and stupid yet.. I subscribed!? OmGWwtFbbQ?


I think it was the final text-speech babble that gave the game away. 'bbQ'. That's barbecue, isn't it? This person was surely taking the piss. Not A piss, but the definite article.

But then again, perhaps my suspicions that an ironic conspiracy was in the air started even further back, with the hoax circular e-mails I received, one of which I 'blogged' here.

Or perhaps, just perhaps, the conspiracy is something I have sneakingly suspected since I was able to suspect anything at all.

The ironic conspiracy is deeply problematical for me. Although I have never exactly defined myself by irony - I mean, how unironical would that be! - it has played a key part in the formation, and the deconstruction, and the reconstruction, of my identity. But when I criticise the stupidity of others, only to realise that it is all part of an ironic conspiracy, my own irony is converted into earnestness. I am trumped by the irony of others, and my irony is usurped. In the chess-game of escalating irony, being in the know is everything. Those who simply choose the wrong direction and end up going with the backward flow of the yes, rather than the forward flow of the no of the know, lose all irony points. It's as simple as that. You have to choose which way to jump. If you happen to jump with the greatest number of other ironists, your ironic stock also rises.



But is it that simple? The rising wave at some point has to crash. And perhaps those who jumped the other way were more far-sighted. Or perhaps not. As yet, it is hard to say.

For instance, does the fact that I spotted the irony of some of the Youtube comments mean that they were too obvious, and therefore not ironic enough, since being obvious is almost the same as being earnest? When something is recognised as ironic, does it cease to be so? Is irony, by definition, hidden, by defnition, a conspiracy, of which we only ever see the edges, or, in a fluctuating sense, in our own tremulous, ambiguous hearts, the centre?

I shall not attempt to answer these questions. The wave is still rising, and before our eyes it becomes a whirlpool.

For now, I shall simply, and carefully, submit one more piece of evidence in this awesome and ever-shifting mosaic of a puzzle of a nightmare of a mystery.

This clue comes, as forbidden and cryptic things often do, from a dread e-mail sent to me from Justin Isis. In the e-mail, he mentions, almost in a whisper, that he has been reading Bright Shiny Morning by James Frey, and that, "I'm convinced his entire books so far have been ironic hoax books and not actually done sincerely." He proceeds to tell me how he wished he had preserved the text in question, but that, immediately after reading it, he had burnt it in a frenzy, and called upon the name of Yxthahl and Kingsley Amis to protect him from those Other Ironies, beyond the known human ironies of Earth, that sometimes mutter, jeeringly, with an air of prancing vanity and stupidity, beyond the last fashionable rim of Shibuya, and threaten, on terrible mid-afternoons, to break through into the realm of conversation, and make everything you've ever said and thought seem unimaginably absurd.

However, I sense a tone of regret, even of sadness, as of a strange respect at those Outer Ironies, in his communication, when he writes that, "I wish I had preserved the thing, after all. It was... I cannot tell you. If only you knew, as I do, just how ironic it was!"

He then proceeds to quote, from a text seared into his memory, that little part of which he dares to quote:

James Parker.
Movie star.
Married to the most famous actress in Hollywood.
Unbelievably wealthy.
James Parker.
Public heterosexual.
PRIVATE HOMOSEXUAL.


In some trepidation, I ventured a reply:

'James Parker, private homosexual', could be the title of some TV drama series. That would be excellent. "The police can't deal with this. This is a case for James Parker, private homosexual!" But, I think you must be right about James Frey, which is frightening. This means I'm right and the Youtube irony conspiracy has now reached global epidemic proportions.


For now, I dare not say more. I leave it to my readers to draw their own conclusions.

The nature of irony was... irrepressible!

, , ,

In this article about Sarah Silverman and irony, I found a link to this article about '9/11' and the 'death of irony'. After reading the article (the second one, by Roger Rosenblatt), I was incensed, and posted this very brief entry on my blog.

I've been thinking a lot about irony recently, and this probably won't be the last irony-related entry I post this week. Irony is a fairly significant element of my existence, but this can be a distinct disadvantage when talking to those without a sense of irony. Or rather, their lack of irony can be a disadvantage to me. I don't necessarily mean in the obvious way that they won't realise when I'm being ironic. I also think that irony is a key that allows access to other areas of thought and sensibility. Therefore, it's possible that I will also be accused of being ironic when I'm not so much being ironic as exploring those areas to which irony has given me access. I don't know if I should even make provision for the possibility that someone with a very low irony threshold might be reading this, but the Joseph K. in me moves forward to anticipate his accusers and meet them half-way. I shall issue a warning here, therefore: I am about to critically tear apart an article dealing with the events of September the 11th. If you feel particularly sensitive about this issue, well, first of all, that's not my fault, and secondly, what I intend to attack here is simply an article that someone has written. My observations do not extend to the actual events of September the 11th except insofar as they have been manipulated and fictionalised by opportunists.

Okay, since I've got nothing planned, I'm just going to go through this line by line, starting with the title and subtitle of the article:

The Age of Irony Comes to an End
No longer will we fail to take things seriously


I mentioned the implications of this title in my previous post. This is possibly the worst part of the entire article. The age of irony comes to an end. Why? Because Americans have died. Well, history is long, and a great many people died before the US was built, and a great many died so that the US could be built, and I didn't notice anyone proclaiming the death of irony then. Within the space of several weeks at the end of 1937, the Japanese massacred hundreds of thousands of Chinese in what has become known as 'The Rape of Nanking'. Did this spell the death of irony? Apparently not. In 1945, an American plane dropped a bomb on the Japanese town of Hiroshima that also caused hundreds of thousands of deaths, mainly civilian. In the early part of WWII, German bombers destroyed over a million homes in London, and ended tens of thousands of lives. In 1945, the Allied Forces decimated the German town of Dresden in a bombing raid that also ended tens of thousands of civilian lives. And the casualties, as we know, have certainly not stopped with the end of WWII. On a smaller scale, terrorist activity in Britain, partly funded by American money, caused death and injury throughout the seventies, eighties and nineties. Did any of this spell the end of irony? Apparently not. None of it had any meaning at all, because none of it took place on American shores. Or, looked at another way, perhaps these events had just as much meaning as the events of September the 11th, but happened in countries where people have enough sense of history and geography to realise that such events are not unique, and that life, and irony, goes on.

I have only just started. Let's move on to the subtitle, "No longer will we fail to take things seriously". As soon as I read this, I knew that I would be unable to take the article seriously. A canny psychologist once conducted an experiment in which he asked a stutterer to play someone with a stutter on stage. When he tried to stutter, he could not. Being told that I must take this article seriously (because that's what the subtitle means), I cannot. Taken together, this title and subtitle are very revealing. What was Rosenblatt's first reaction on hearing the news of the destruction of the Twin Towers? It was to rub his hands together in angry glee at the opportunity he was given to strike down his enemies, the ironists. And why are the ironists his enemies? Because they refuse to take the likes of Rosenblatt seriously, thus defusing his authority. Authority hates humour. When people have forgotten how to laugh, when they are bowed and sheepish and ashamed, they are easy to control. Laughter, however, is an irrepressible force, and therefore a threat to humourless authoritarian figures.

One good thing could come from this horror: it could spell the end of the age of irony.


This is the very first line of the article, the very first thought in Rosenblatt's head about what has taken place. He shows no concern for the victims, who are anonymous in the cliche of the word 'horror' - he turns immediately to his enemies, hoping to borrow the destructive energy of the event to destroy them.

For some 30 years — roughly as long as the Twin Towers were upright — the good folks in charge of America's intellectual life have insisted that nothing was to be believed in or taken seriously. Nothing was real. With a giggle and a smirk, our chattering classes — our columnists and pop culture makers — declared that detachment and personal whimsy were the necessary tools for an oh-so-cool life. Who but a slobbering bumpkin would think, "I feel your pain"?


I don't know who these "good folks" are who are in charge of America's intellectual life. I don't live in America, and I haven't made a study of it, but I wonder if Rosenblatt knows who they are, either. Does anyone? Can somebody tell me who they are? Rosenblatt quotes Clinton here, framing the quote within the ironic-rhetorical question that he imputes to his imaginary ironists. The implication is that irony brings with it a lack of compassion. Perhaps that's true in some cases, depending on how you define irony. If irony is defined as 'thinking yourself to be clever' then that might be the case. However, I'm more inclined to see that as a failure of irony. Another way of looking at irony is 'not being taken in even by your own identity', which would, of course, prevent any ideas of one's personal cleverness. However, my purpose here isn't really to champion irony. Rosenblatt is absolute in his wish to destroy irony. I do not wish to pursue any such absolute. Absolute irony, anyway, would only destroy itself. And it is the absolute nature of Rosenblatt's thinking that turns his attempted earnestness into irony.

The ironists, seeing through everything, made it difficult for anyone to see anything. The consequence of thinking that nothing is real — apart from prancing around in an air of vain stupidity — is that one will not know the difference between a joke and a menace.


There is no difference between a joke and a menace. This article is both.

No more.


I would be ashamed to adopt such a sanctimonious tone after the events of 9/11. "No more", he writes, like the hammiest of ham actors giving a speech. Reading this makes me feel sick, and I begin to wish to strip all such disgusting melodrama from my own writing.

The planes that plowed into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were real.


No they weren't.

The flames, smoke, sirens — real.


No, they weren't.

The chalky landscape, the silence of the streets — all real.


No, it wasn't.

I feel your pain — really.


No you don't.

In his review of James Frey's, A Million Little Pieces, John Dolan writes, "It's a pity Frey never studied Stevens. If he had, he'd have known that the more times one repeats an assertion, the less convincing it becomes." The same could be said of Rosenblatt's tactic here. Since he has no actual point to make, all he can do is repeat the word 'real', with each repetition revealing how little there is behind his use of that word other than a wish for you to take him seriously. The final assertion, "I feel your pain - really", is pathetic. The "really" at the end only emphasises how unconvincing the statement is to which it is appended. Rosenblatt is either lying, or he's very bad at telling the truth.

History occurs twice, crack the wise guys quoting Marx: first as tragedy, then as farce.


Those wise guys quoting Marx, eh? Would that be Karl or Groucho? Whoever it is, it's obviously some damned commie comedian.

Who would believe such a thing except someone who has never experienced tragedy?


Maybe someone who has experienced more history than you, Rosenblatt, and has experienced history playing twice.

Are you looking for something to take seriously?


Not particularly, no.

Begin with evil.


Oh, you mean I should begin with you, Rosenblatt?

The fact before our eyes is that a group of savage zealots took the sweet and various lives of those ordinarily traveling from place to place, ordinarily starting a day of work or — extraordinarily — coming to help and rescue others.


This has nothing to do with the 'death of irony', and that Rosenblatt should use this material for his own ends is revolting.

Freedom? That real enough for you?


I'm sorry to say that this is hilarious. The answer is no, it's not real enough for me. Especially not with the likes of you making damned sure that it stays unreal by repeating it into meaninglessness.

Everything we cling to in our free and sauntering country was imperiled by the terrorists. Destruction was real; no hedging about that. Hans Christian Andersen wrote that famous fairy tale about The Most Incredible Thing, a beautiful, intricate clock that was smashed to bits by an ax, which act was then judged to be the most incredible thing. No fairy tales required this week. Where the Twin Towers were, there is now only empty air.


Sanctimonious. There is something truly odious about this particular sanctimony, and I wonder if I can articulate what it is. I think that it's the feeling I get of Rosenblatt puffing himself up like a great toad, ready to strike out at someone. His pompous compassion is compassion only for himself. His ludicrously overblown righteousness is really only self-righteousness. He displays what Sarah Silverman described as the mix of ignorance and arrogance she found to be prevalent in the country of her birth. If a small, defenceless child were injured by a big, bully, you might feel some kind of indignation, and it might even assume a lofty tenor, as you avenged the child against the bully. But in this case, the injured child is just a bloated journalist writing for Time magazine, avenging no one but himself, and lofty on behalf of no one but himself.

In the age of irony, even the most serious things were not to be taken seriously. Movies featuring characters who "see dead people" or TV hosts who talk to the "other side" suggested that death was not to be seen as real. If one doubted its reality before last week, that is unlikely to happen again.


I still doubt 'reality', and 'death', so that blows your theory there, Rosenblatt. This section reveals another element underlying this article - the fear of death, and the need to trade on the fear of death. Be afraid, says Rosenblatt, be very afraid. Because he likes adding these kind of redundant, emphatic words, like 'very' and 'really'. It's real. It's real. It's really, really real. That's how real it is.

Which brings us to the more amorphous zones of reality, such as grief and common sorrow. When the white dust settles, and the bereaved are alone in their houses, there will be nothing but grief around them, and nothing is more real than that.


I'm surprised that Rosenblatt has the nerve to go here. Anyone who begins a paragraph with "No more" while writing about 9/11, would be spotted by Holden Caulfield as a phoney a mile off.

In short, people may at last be ready to say what they wholeheartedly believe.


And, wearing their victim badge with pride, not to listen to what others wholeheartedly believe.

The kindness of people toward others in distress is real. There is nothing to see through in that. Honor and fair play? Real. And the preciousness of ordinary living is real as well — all to be taken seriously, perhaps, in a new and chastened time. The greatness of the country: real. The anger: real. The pain: too real.


Yeah, you'd like a "new and chastened time", wouldn't you, Rosenblatt? I bet you're big on the chastening. The last three sentences here are basically a manifesto for war: "Let our great country, in its pain and its anger, go forth and chasten." And that, in short order, was what happened, as those of us currently living through history know. I don't see much honour and fair play in that, and not much kindness, either.

The moral maturity of this article is that of a seven-year-old: "I have been hurt, therefore I am morally right." Guess what, Rosenblatt, we've all be hurt, and some of us by you, but you're so moral that you'll never see anyone's hurt except your own.

Imagine the following rather bizarre scenario. There is a seven-year-old boy in the body of a greyish middle-aged man. He is the son of the wealthiest family on his street, and has always got his own way. In the mornings he skips up and down the street, throwing his litter into other people's gardens, stealing the milk from their doorsteps, kicking their pet cats, puncturing the tyres of the cars, and so on. On one occasion, because he was impatient to have a ladder that someone was using, he pulled it away while they were still on it, with the result that they broke their neck, which he failed to notice. People began to get pissed off with this kid, and one day, some cranky old man - probably, no one knows for sure - decided to take a pot-shot at the boy with an air-rifle. It hit the boy in the neck and he started to scream and cry. "Evil! You evil bastards, shooting at a poor defenceless boy! I'm going to wipe your evil from the face of the earth." And it just so happens that his rich parents have given him a gun - purely for self protection - for his birthday. I think you know what happens next. The boy runs into the houses more or less at random, shooting people, confident that good is on his side, because he's been hurt. Anyone who tries to talk him out of it is considered to be on the side of the cranky old man who shot at him. He shouts and shouts and shouts, and he shoots, and he does not listen. And this is proof to him of how moral and good he is.

That may not be a perfect analogy, but when I read Rosenblatt's article, I hear someone shouting and shouting about how good he is, shouting as loud as he can, to try and drown out any other voices that might tell him that he's not the only one who's been hurt.

Pupil, 2: Buckroyd, 27

, , ,

The headline of this article is, 'Pupil gains marks for exam expletive', and I wondered if it was therefore going to be some rant about the decline of educational standards, or about how terrible liberalism is, both of which would be fair enough, except that, in this case, even without reading the story, I knew immediately that what was at work here was neither liberalism nor decline, but simply a teacher being droller than his pupils could ever dream of being.

The pupil, who wrote "f--- off" after being asked in an English exam to "describe the room you are sitting in", got 2 marks out of 27 and would have got more if he had added some punctuation, chief examiner Peter Buckroyd told The Times.


Well, I suppose 'fuck off' is pretty droll, in a schoolboy sort of way, but I feel like I know exactly what Peter Buckroyd (if he was the examiner in question) was thinking here. I've been a teacher myself, and marking children's papers is always a source of, well, various emotions, including immense amusement. There was no way that Buckroyd would be remotely offended or shocked by the pupil's drollery here (he is, after all, well used to this sort of thing). He might have sighed or he might have smiled, but anyway, he took it in his stride and replied with a greater drollery and certainly a greater magnanimity. Pupils will never admit that they've lost in a battle of wits with their teacher - instead they'll pretend to be cool and bored - but in this case, as an impartial adjudicator, I award top marks to Peter Buckroyd.

The most ironic thing I've ever read

This is the most ironic thing I've ever read, here.

I expect I'll write more about irony later.

Additional, as Captain Kirk used to say: It's half past two AM, and I'm about to go to bed. I've just been having a conversation with someone about the article linked to here, which by now is quite a few years old. Anyway, I felt that I wanted to make it clear that I'm not tittering inanely and thinking that I'm clever. That article made me angry. I imagine that I'll write a separate blog entry later explaining why, but basically the whole idea that 'the age of irony' is over only when American lives are lost is offensive. The assumption behind it is that non-American lives are worthless - an assumption that we see at work in the invasion of Iraq.

Joe Franklin Raped Me

, , , ...



Before I go any further, just to be clear, I should point out that Joe Franklin didn't actually rape me. Obviously, it would have been great if he had, but I can't really make that claim. I'm making this clear, just in case anyone - for instance, Joe Franklin - decides to sue me for false advertising. When I wrote 'me' in the title of this blog entry, I didn't mean it literally. I was writing 'in character'. Also, the Joe Franklin of this title doesn't correspond absolutely to the 'literal' person who is actually 'Joe Franklin'. There's probably more than one so-called 'Joe Franklin', anyway. In a sense, you could say that the title of this blog entry is an entirely self-referential fiction. If we take the word 'me' to mean 'individual conceptualised identity', then the title of this blog is very similar to a title such as, 'Mister Spock Raped Burt Kwouk'.

Now that's out of the way, I can proceed to the main business of this entry, which is to say that I am newly enamoured of Sarah Silverman, whom I have only very recently discovered. I don't suppose anything would come of it, but I have been hatching a cunning ruse, whereby, contriving to find myself in the presence of Sarah Silverman, I disguise myself as a medium-to-large piece of Baby Bell Cheese, and see what happens.



I mention all this not gratuitously, but because many things recently have led me to believe what is, after all, only meet and good, that THE JOKE IS ON ME. That is, my contempt for a great many of the posters on Youtube is to my detriment, not theirs. I believe I have uncovered a wonderful fact that I was, until now, too dull and humourless to realise. That is, that the people posting illiterate, ignorant and mind-bendingly stupid comments on Youtube, are in fact practitioners of the art of irony, some of them past masters. I suppose it's possible that Youtube started out as a place where the truly dense could air their views without care or consequence, but by now, by process of alchemy, it has transmuted to a place devoted almost entirely to the finest productions of irony. In fact, I suspect that this irony has by now swept far beyond the confines of Youtube. I shall never again look upon a single human act of expression or interaction without seeing in it a golden and deliberate refinement of irony.

What leads me to such conclusions? Well, I'm sure you all know it's true, anyway, and have just been keeping me in the dark about it for your own amusement. But also, in my growing suspicion, I have challenged one of the ironic hoaxsters on Youtube, and, in my determination, I have unmasked her... or him. And he/she confessed. However, I will not supply the pseudonym of this ironist, since it would spoil the game rather. I will simply quote here the comment which led me to my discovery. Perhaps, thinking of it now, this particular ironist needs a little more practice, since the irony here was too obvious. Then again, perhaps I am still being duped, and the confession of irony that I forced was ironic in some way I am yet to understand. In any case, here is the comment, which I found under the Sarah Silverman clip heading this entry:

She is disgusting. She has NO right to throw accusations like that at Joe Franklin. I'm 100% sure she's lying just to get attention. On the tiny chance it might be true, then sure Joe Franklin deserves to die for raping a child! But it clearly isn't. Also, she had no right to use her disabled brother to get ticket sales, that is so immoral. As for the descriptions of her show, they sound so disgusting. How perverted must a family be to do stuff like that on stage??? She must be so damaged...